I have been meaning to post a new blog for quite awhile, it just never seemed to happen. Well, here goes. I am finally going to post one!
Well, to say that I am busy would be an understatement. Even though I am not taking classes this semester, I am super busy with life. Being involved in Women's Household, being involved with St. Tom's, being involved with CRU, being involved with Veritas, working 2 jobs, and trying to maintain a social life, sometimes I feel like there isn't enough of me to go around. I love everything that I do and all that I am involved with, but sometimes, I wish I could just learn to say no. It's such a simple task. 2 letters. Shouldn't be hard. But it is.
After a great conversation with a very wise friend today, I have decided that I need to spend more time being fed and not feeding others so much. "You can't give what you don't have." I think that is something that I need to strive more to remember. It is so much easier to worry about others around me then to have to focus on myself. This is a struggle that I am sure many people face. Remember, we need to provide for ourselves and nourish our spiritual well-being as much as our physical well-being.
I have seen the amazing and beautiful love that my friends have for me over these past few weeks. The grace that was shown to me by my dear friend Steve when I told him how I fell short of the promise I had made was so amazing I couldn't even look him in the eyes, for I felt so ashamed and unworthy of his grace and love. But, in the end, the love and grace was there all the same. The love that he and Sandy have for me is sometimes more than what I can handle, but I am so blessed and thankful.
I have also learned that looking for love is crazy. God sends love to us when we least expect it, and least need it. He sends it to us as a way to show us that he knows what is best for us. He sends it in all different ways. I thought for months that I should be with the guy I was crushing on. God showed me that our relationship was meant for friendship, and nothing more. God always knows better than us. Thank you God for showing me what your will is for me. Thank you for guarding my heart and loving me.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Perfect Love Drives Out Fear
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. the one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:18-19.
This is where I am at right now. This week has been one of the hardest that I have faced in a long time. There were many sad times and even harder moments. It is never easy to face the end of a relationship, especially one in which you had been seriously talking about marriage. But it didn't make sense to stay together for the sake of staying together. "Weeping may last for night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5. I am trying to allow myself to grieve the loss of the relationship for what it was and what it meant to me in my life. It is incredibly difficult sometimes.
A large part of me is completely at peace with the decision that God called me to. I know God called me out of the relationship for a reason, and deep in my heart I know it was right. There is still a part of me though, that is mourning that loss. This was someone that I gave my heart to, and they didn't guard it and protect it the way that it should have been. This is something that I have learned the hard way one too many times.
Allowing myself to love and be loved is something that I am continually struggling with, and I can feel myself struggling with it everyday more and more. Allowing myself to open up to others and know that at some point they are going to hurt me is the biggest challenge I am facing right now. Loving someone is giving them permission to hurt you. I know I have said that before, but it's so true. Sometimes I spend so much time guarding my heart, that I forget to open the gates and let people in. There are so many people that have let me cry, yell, scream, and just be me in the wake of my break up. I have some of the most amazing friends ever. They bought be ice cream, gave me tissues when I started crying, played cards with me, randomly called me to see how I was doing, sat up with me at night, held me while I sobbed my eyes out, and just loved me.
When I look at all their faces, that is how I am reminded of how beautiful love is.
In honor of some of my friends, I have decided that every time I say something bad about myself, I have to give $2 to whoever is present when it happens. I need to start believing that I am God's daughter and He is not okay with me putting myself down all the time. I am hoping my friends are going to help hold me accountable for this, as it is going to be a daily, even hourly challenge at times.
I love that so many people are just loving me where I am at right now, big barrel of mess and all. That means more to me than any words can ever express. "True love doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be real." St. Teresa of Avila. I love her and these words. Someday I will get over this sad event in my life, and when that happens I will remember these days and smile. I have learned how important smiling is, even though I don't always feel like it. I am working on trying to smile even when I am sad. I heard a saying once that said "You should always remember to smile because you never know who might be falling in love with your smile." I am trying really hard to remember this daily. I taped a note in my planner so I will see it multiple times a day and really focus on it.
I am so beyond blessed, and sometimes it takes a sad day or moment to remind me of it...but I always know and am thankful beyond all measure for God's undeserved grace and mercy that He has poured out into my life.
This is where I am at right now. This week has been one of the hardest that I have faced in a long time. There were many sad times and even harder moments. It is never easy to face the end of a relationship, especially one in which you had been seriously talking about marriage. But it didn't make sense to stay together for the sake of staying together. "Weeping may last for night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5. I am trying to allow myself to grieve the loss of the relationship for what it was and what it meant to me in my life. It is incredibly difficult sometimes.
A large part of me is completely at peace with the decision that God called me to. I know God called me out of the relationship for a reason, and deep in my heart I know it was right. There is still a part of me though, that is mourning that loss. This was someone that I gave my heart to, and they didn't guard it and protect it the way that it should have been. This is something that I have learned the hard way one too many times.
Allowing myself to love and be loved is something that I am continually struggling with, and I can feel myself struggling with it everyday more and more. Allowing myself to open up to others and know that at some point they are going to hurt me is the biggest challenge I am facing right now. Loving someone is giving them permission to hurt you. I know I have said that before, but it's so true. Sometimes I spend so much time guarding my heart, that I forget to open the gates and let people in. There are so many people that have let me cry, yell, scream, and just be me in the wake of my break up. I have some of the most amazing friends ever. They bought be ice cream, gave me tissues when I started crying, played cards with me, randomly called me to see how I was doing, sat up with me at night, held me while I sobbed my eyes out, and just loved me.
When I look at all their faces, that is how I am reminded of how beautiful love is.
In honor of some of my friends, I have decided that every time I say something bad about myself, I have to give $2 to whoever is present when it happens. I need to start believing that I am God's daughter and He is not okay with me putting myself down all the time. I am hoping my friends are going to help hold me accountable for this, as it is going to be a daily, even hourly challenge at times.
I love that so many people are just loving me where I am at right now, big barrel of mess and all. That means more to me than any words can ever express. "True love doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be real." St. Teresa of Avila. I love her and these words. Someday I will get over this sad event in my life, and when that happens I will remember these days and smile. I have learned how important smiling is, even though I don't always feel like it. I am working on trying to smile even when I am sad. I heard a saying once that said "You should always remember to smile because you never know who might be falling in love with your smile." I am trying really hard to remember this daily. I taped a note in my planner so I will see it multiple times a day and really focus on it.
I am so beyond blessed, and sometimes it takes a sad day or moment to remind me of it...but I always know and am thankful beyond all measure for God's undeserved grace and mercy that He has poured out into my life.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Agape Love
So, even though I have watched the movie Forrest Gump for years, I came to a realization the last time I watched it. Forrest Gump is an amazing example of agape love. Complete, unconditional, sacrificial love for everyone in his life. This is the way that God loves us.
God loves us completely unconditionaly. No matter how many times we turn away from God, he is still there, pursuing us, loving us.
Sometimes it is amazing to think about that. How no matter what we do, God STILL loves us. This is a mind blowing concept to me. Agape love is such a beautiful thing that people strive for, but very seldomly achieve. Agape love is something that, if people acheived, the world would be a more beautiful place!
I love the way that God loves me and the way that I get to have such a personal relationship with Him. Through all the reading that I have done in the Bible and other books, it is amazing to see just how much God loves me. God sent His only son to die for me, and the mistakes that I have made, and haven't even thought about making yet. Complete, unconditional, sacrificial love for me!
God desires to be in relationship with me, and I am learning how to let that happen. It is really hard sometimes to wait for God to show me the things that he wants for me in my life. Even though I know that God knows what is best for me, I still often think that I know what is good for me, and what is better for me! How dumb and silly am I? I mean really?
Agape love is such a neat and beautiful thing! I love that I get to experience it with God!
Love you all!
God loves us completely unconditionaly. No matter how many times we turn away from God, he is still there, pursuing us, loving us.
Sometimes it is amazing to think about that. How no matter what we do, God STILL loves us. This is a mind blowing concept to me. Agape love is such a beautiful thing that people strive for, but very seldomly achieve. Agape love is something that, if people acheived, the world would be a more beautiful place!
I love the way that God loves me and the way that I get to have such a personal relationship with Him. Through all the reading that I have done in the Bible and other books, it is amazing to see just how much God loves me. God sent His only son to die for me, and the mistakes that I have made, and haven't even thought about making yet. Complete, unconditional, sacrificial love for me!
God desires to be in relationship with me, and I am learning how to let that happen. It is really hard sometimes to wait for God to show me the things that he wants for me in my life. Even though I know that God knows what is best for me, I still often think that I know what is good for me, and what is better for me! How dumb and silly am I? I mean really?
Agape love is such a neat and beautiful thing! I love that I get to experience it with God!
Love you all!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Being A Woman Sucks
This is going to be a rant, and I don't care.
So it seems as of late I keep getting unto the same argument with my friends, especially all my guy friends. Now, let me just say that I love my guy friends dearly. They are some amazing Godly men. HOWEVER, they are really, really frustrating me these days!
I have never in my entire life, been met with so much resistance about what girls can and can't do. I admire the idea that the men in my life want to be chivalrous, but there is a point where they stop being chivalrous, and starting being sexist I feel. I know that these this may be harsh, but it is something that I am struggling with. I think that if women are willing and want to do things, it is not a man's job to tell her that she can't. For example, if we want to lift things, or set up, or whatever, it is not their place to deny us that right.
Now, maybe I feel this way because I grew up in a home where work was not broken down by men and women, boys or girls. The boys and girls did the same chores as each other. Mowing the law, taking out the trash, shoveling the snow, lifting, laundry, cooking. Everything was shared equally among everyone. So now to have people tell me that not only I shouldn't do something, that I am not allowed, is really really frustrating and really hurts.
I grew up hearing I wasn't good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough, or just plain enough. The way I dealt with that was trying to be better than everyone else. I excelled in sports, in school, in the things I did. I have a really hard time being told I shouldn't do something, and when someone tells me I can't do something, it makes me all that much more determined to do it.
I have never, nor will ever be okay with being treated like a delicate piece of crystal that is going to break. I have a hard enough time putting limitations on myself because of my medical conditions. When I can do something and I want to, I do not feel as though it is another person's place to tell me that I can't. I'm sorry. But whether the guys realize it or not, it is incredibly hurtful to hear that I am not allowed to do things, or participate in activities with them.
So it seems as of late I keep getting unto the same argument with my friends, especially all my guy friends. Now, let me just say that I love my guy friends dearly. They are some amazing Godly men. HOWEVER, they are really, really frustrating me these days!
I have never in my entire life, been met with so much resistance about what girls can and can't do. I admire the idea that the men in my life want to be chivalrous, but there is a point where they stop being chivalrous, and starting being sexist I feel. I know that these this may be harsh, but it is something that I am struggling with. I think that if women are willing and want to do things, it is not a man's job to tell her that she can't. For example, if we want to lift things, or set up, or whatever, it is not their place to deny us that right.
Now, maybe I feel this way because I grew up in a home where work was not broken down by men and women, boys or girls. The boys and girls did the same chores as each other. Mowing the law, taking out the trash, shoveling the snow, lifting, laundry, cooking. Everything was shared equally among everyone. So now to have people tell me that not only I shouldn't do something, that I am not allowed, is really really frustrating and really hurts.
I grew up hearing I wasn't good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough, or just plain enough. The way I dealt with that was trying to be better than everyone else. I excelled in sports, in school, in the things I did. I have a really hard time being told I shouldn't do something, and when someone tells me I can't do something, it makes me all that much more determined to do it.
I have never, nor will ever be okay with being treated like a delicate piece of crystal that is going to break. I have a hard enough time putting limitations on myself because of my medical conditions. When I can do something and I want to, I do not feel as though it is another person's place to tell me that I can't. I'm sorry. But whether the guys realize it or not, it is incredibly hurtful to hear that I am not allowed to do things, or participate in activities with them.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
What Is My Path, God?
So, I have been really feeling torn lately. I cannot seem to figure out what God wants of me and from me and for me. I am having a really hard time discerning His will for me. I am really longing for something. Anything. I sent in my summer project application last week, and now I will have to wait until at least March 28 to be able to make any kind of decision about my summer and what I will be doing with my life for 3 months. This is part of what is troubling me.
I know that going home for summer is completely out of the question. But, I can't imagine going another year without seeing my family. And when I say family, most of that is my siblings and my aunts and uncles. I know that my family is not particularly a good, stable, or healthy place for me to be, but I can't help but miss them. As I sat at Oasis last week, I found myself completely unmoved by anything. Until I heard Steve say those 3 words. Such simple words. Anytime. Anywhere. Anything. Such simple words. It's only 23 letters. People say these words all the time. People say these words as if they were nothing. But really, are they nothing. If you say 'Anytime' to God, what are you really saying? Are you not saying "God, no matter what I am doing, where I am at in my life, I am turning my life over to you. Whether it is to join the mission and take vows of Holy Orders, or to simple go and do Missionary work halfway around the world. If you say anything to God, you are saying that you have accepted the very real possibility that God would and will take you completely away from everything and everyone you know and love.
Saying 'Anywhere' says that no matter where God wants me to go, I am willing to go there. I am willing to leave everything in my life to go and do God's work. Whether it is in another city, state, country, or even continent. How many of us are really willing to do that? I know I want to believe that I am, but I know I am not.
Lastly, saying 'Anything'. Saying that anything God gives us, we are prepared to accept it, and love it whole heartedly. This is such a crazy idea. For example, I know that I don't want children. So, I know that when I get married, and if I found out I was pregnant, I would not be happy about it. I would not accept it whole heartedly. I would fight and kick and yell and scream. I would have the baby, but it wouldn't be in my heart to be happy about it. I think this is a perfect example of how we say these words to God, but we don't always really mean them.
Loving God at times is so hard. I see all the horrible things that are going on in the world, and it makes it really hard to believe in a good God. It makes it hard to believe in a fair and just God. I am trying to learn how to trust in Him and what He is trying to tell me. I have a hard time believing the words that I have heard for so long.
Trying to understand what God wants from me is so frustrating. I feel like it needs to be easier to see. Like a written note or something. Waiting for signs, or however God might appear to me, is far to difficult, and sometimes just down right confusing. Trying to understand what he wants has got me feeling so sad and depressed because I don't know what He wants, and I don't feel like I am any closer to understanding it then I was a year ago.
I am praying that He shows me some clear paths to walk down and that I might be able to see them, and accept them whole heartedly.
I know that going home for summer is completely out of the question. But, I can't imagine going another year without seeing my family. And when I say family, most of that is my siblings and my aunts and uncles. I know that my family is not particularly a good, stable, or healthy place for me to be, but I can't help but miss them. As I sat at Oasis last week, I found myself completely unmoved by anything. Until I heard Steve say those 3 words. Such simple words. Anytime. Anywhere. Anything. Such simple words. It's only 23 letters. People say these words all the time. People say these words as if they were nothing. But really, are they nothing. If you say 'Anytime' to God, what are you really saying? Are you not saying "God, no matter what I am doing, where I am at in my life, I am turning my life over to you. Whether it is to join the mission and take vows of Holy Orders, or to simple go and do Missionary work halfway around the world. If you say anything to God, you are saying that you have accepted the very real possibility that God would and will take you completely away from everything and everyone you know and love.
Saying 'Anywhere' says that no matter where God wants me to go, I am willing to go there. I am willing to leave everything in my life to go and do God's work. Whether it is in another city, state, country, or even continent. How many of us are really willing to do that? I know I want to believe that I am, but I know I am not.
Lastly, saying 'Anything'. Saying that anything God gives us, we are prepared to accept it, and love it whole heartedly. This is such a crazy idea. For example, I know that I don't want children. So, I know that when I get married, and if I found out I was pregnant, I would not be happy about it. I would not accept it whole heartedly. I would fight and kick and yell and scream. I would have the baby, but it wouldn't be in my heart to be happy about it. I think this is a perfect example of how we say these words to God, but we don't always really mean them.
Loving God at times is so hard. I see all the horrible things that are going on in the world, and it makes it really hard to believe in a good God. It makes it hard to believe in a fair and just God. I am trying to learn how to trust in Him and what He is trying to tell me. I have a hard time believing the words that I have heard for so long.
Trying to understand what God wants from me is so frustrating. I feel like it needs to be easier to see. Like a written note or something. Waiting for signs, or however God might appear to me, is far to difficult, and sometimes just down right confusing. Trying to understand what he wants has got me feeling so sad and depressed because I don't know what He wants, and I don't feel like I am any closer to understanding it then I was a year ago.
I am praying that He shows me some clear paths to walk down and that I might be able to see them, and accept them whole heartedly.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Sweet Silver Lining
This song is from an episode of One Tree Hill and I listened to it today, and really loved the lyrics, and I feel like this puts into words how I am feeling, better than I can right now.
I'm going home
Downhearted and hoping
I'm close to some new beginning
I know
There's a reason for everything
That comes and goes
But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But I'm just surviving
I may be weak but Im never defeated
And I'll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining
Most days
I try my best to put on a brave face
But inside
My bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while
Somethings keeping me safe
And alive
But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But I'm just surviving
I may be weak but Im never defeated
And I'll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining
I wont give up like this
I will be given strength
And now that I've found it
Nothing can take that away
I'm going home
Downhearted and hoping
I'm close to some new beginning
I know
There's a reason for everything
That comes and goes
But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But I'm just surviving
I may be weak but Im never defeated
And I'll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining
Most days
I try my best to put on a brave face
But inside
My bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while
Somethings keeping me safe
And alive
But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight
But I'm just surviving
I may be weak but Im never defeated
And I'll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining
I wont give up like this
I will be given strength
And now that I've found it
Nothing can take that away
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Smiling through the tears
These are just a few quotes that I have stumbled upon the last few weeks or so. Alot of them them apply or have applied to my life in one way or another.
"Promises mean everything, but once they are broken, sorry means nothing."
"I may seem tough on the outside, but I'm broken on the inside."
"I'm falling for you and I'm so scared that I am going to get my heart broken again."
"I'm stronger now....I'm no longer the girl who laid her heart(broken & bleeding) at your feet. And there are more-many more-important things in my life now than a man."
"It's easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
"It's amazing how one group of people can change your life forever."
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken. And that could brighten your day even if she couldn't brighten her own."
"Smiles and tears. Giggles and laughs. Late night calls and photographs. I'll be there for you until the day of my death. Best friends forever until my very last breath."
"Our true friends are those who are with us when the good things happen. They cheer us on and are pleased by our triumphs. False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them from their miserable lives."
"I'm a lover, not a fighter. But I will fight for what I love."
"I've learned that good-byes will always hurt. Pictures will never replace having been there. Memories, good or bad, will bring tears. And words can never replace those feelings."
"Choice, not chance, determines destiny."
"I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wandering what life had been like if I had just been myself."
"Laugh your heart out. Dance in the rain, cherish the moment, ignore the pain. Live, laugh, love. Forgive & forget. Life's too short to be living with regrets."
"Do what makes you happy. Be with who makes you smile. Laugh as much as you breathe. Love as long as you live."
"The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn."
"Stand for what you believe in....even if it means you're standing alone."
"Life is short....forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile."
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
"If looking back hurts you and looking forward scares you, then look beside you and I will always be here for you."
"Never say goodbye. Because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting."
"A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs at you and trips you again."
"One of the toughest parts of life is deciding when to give up and when to try harder."
"Stop looking back with regrets. Stop looking forward with fear. And just live for today, cause it just might be your last."
"The truth is....everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to decide....who's worth the pain?"
"Sometimes you can only forgive someone because you can't stand not having them in your life."
"Embrace those who love you, and who you love, and rid yourself of those who will only bring you down."
"Don't let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present."
"I always knew that looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back at the laughs would make me cry."
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can learn to appreciate things when they are right and sometimes good things in life fall apart so better things can fall together."
Hope these find meaning to someone, about something in their life!
"Promises mean everything, but once they are broken, sorry means nothing."
"I may seem tough on the outside, but I'm broken on the inside."
"I'm falling for you and I'm so scared that I am going to get my heart broken again."
"I'm stronger now....I'm no longer the girl who laid her heart(broken & bleeding) at your feet. And there are more-many more-important things in my life now than a man."
"It's easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
"It's amazing how one group of people can change your life forever."
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken. And that could brighten your day even if she couldn't brighten her own."
"Smiles and tears. Giggles and laughs. Late night calls and photographs. I'll be there for you until the day of my death. Best friends forever until my very last breath."
"Our true friends are those who are with us when the good things happen. They cheer us on and are pleased by our triumphs. False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them from their miserable lives."
"I'm a lover, not a fighter. But I will fight for what I love."
"I've learned that good-byes will always hurt. Pictures will never replace having been there. Memories, good or bad, will bring tears. And words can never replace those feelings."
"Choice, not chance, determines destiny."
"I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wandering what life had been like if I had just been myself."
"Laugh your heart out. Dance in the rain, cherish the moment, ignore the pain. Live, laugh, love. Forgive & forget. Life's too short to be living with regrets."
"Do what makes you happy. Be with who makes you smile. Laugh as much as you breathe. Love as long as you live."
"The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn."
"Stand for what you believe in....even if it means you're standing alone."
"Life is short....forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile."
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
"If looking back hurts you and looking forward scares you, then look beside you and I will always be here for you."
"Never say goodbye. Because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting."
"A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs at you and trips you again."
"One of the toughest parts of life is deciding when to give up and when to try harder."
"Stop looking back with regrets. Stop looking forward with fear. And just live for today, cause it just might be your last."
"The truth is....everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to decide....who's worth the pain?"
"Sometimes you can only forgive someone because you can't stand not having them in your life."
"Embrace those who love you, and who you love, and rid yourself of those who will only bring you down."
"Don't let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present."
"I always knew that looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back at the laughs would make me cry."
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can learn to appreciate things when they are right and sometimes good things in life fall apart so better things can fall together."
Hope these find meaning to someone, about something in their life!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
44 Life Lessons
So I want to preface this blog by saying that I did not write this, it was emailed to me by someone. But, I liked it and was inspired by it, so I would love to share it.
1)Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2)When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3)Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4)Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5)Pay off your credit cards every month.
6)You don't have to win every argument. Agree to Disagree.
7)Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8)It's OKAY to get angry with God. He can take it.
9)Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10)When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11)Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12)It's OKAY to let your children see you cry.
13)Don't compare yourself to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14)If a relationship has to be secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15)Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16)Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17)Get ride of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
18)Whatever doesnt' kill you really does make you stronger.
19)It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20)When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21)Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22)Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23)Be eccentric now. Don't for old age to wear purple.
24)No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25)frame every so-called disaster with these words "In five years will this matter?"
26)Always choose life.
27)Forgive everyone everything.
28)What other people think of you is none of your business.
29)Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30)However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31)Don't take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
32)Believe in miracles.
33)God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34)Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35)Growing old beats the alternative--dying young.
36)Your children get only one childhood.
37)All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38)Ger outside everyday. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39)If we all threw out problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40)Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41)The best is yet to come.
42)No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
43)Yield.
44)Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Hope at least some of these touch your lives in some way!
1)Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2)When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3)Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4)Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5)Pay off your credit cards every month.
6)You don't have to win every argument. Agree to Disagree.
7)Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8)It's OKAY to get angry with God. He can take it.
9)Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10)When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11)Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12)It's OKAY to let your children see you cry.
13)Don't compare yourself to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14)If a relationship has to be secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15)Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16)Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17)Get ride of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
18)Whatever doesnt' kill you really does make you stronger.
19)It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20)When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21)Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22)Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23)Be eccentric now. Don't for old age to wear purple.
24)No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25)frame every so-called disaster with these words "In five years will this matter?"
26)Always choose life.
27)Forgive everyone everything.
28)What other people think of you is none of your business.
29)Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30)However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31)Don't take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
32)Believe in miracles.
33)God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34)Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35)Growing old beats the alternative--dying young.
36)Your children get only one childhood.
37)All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38)Ger outside everyday. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39)If we all threw out problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40)Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41)The best is yet to come.
42)No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
43)Yield.
44)Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Hope at least some of these touch your lives in some way!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The rest of my Happy List!!!!!!
So, I realized after re-reading my first happy list, I didn't put everything on there that I want to! So here is the rest of my list....There is just so much that makes me happy, it is going to be hard to narrow it down!
51)Kaleigh Windle's beauty. She is so amazing!
52)Disney movies!
53)Getting text messages or phone calls when I am bored.
54)The song "O Bless the Lord" by Lindsey McCaul....it couldn't speak more truth into my life.
55)Peanut Butter and jelly sandwiches, but mostly with crunchy peanut butter.
56)Pink and white roses and lilies! They are so beautiful.
57)Scrapbooking....it's so fun to look back on memories.
58)Putting pictures on facebook at 4am and then seeing all the comments!
59)Christmas trees!!! I love them!
60)Seeing the person that you have been waiting to talk to come online.
61)Sweet Baby P kisses....drool and all.
62)Cooking for my friends...and the joy the get from a home cooked meal.
63)The movie Titanic. I love it. It makes me cry, still, almost 15 years later.
64)Wearing my sisters bracelet that she gave me.
65)Getting to put my PJ pants on when I get home.
66)Hearing Marie say she loves me times infinity cubed...that doesn't exist.
67)Bob Froman and I arguing about whether or not he wins because he takes logic.
68)Church on Sunday mornings!
69)Reading the Bible.
70)Steve's systematic theology class.
71)Answering questions at Oasis and then being called out by Steve.
72)One Tree Hill Monday's with Stacey
73)When I slipped and fell in the union and Josh Coy yelled, "OMG, whose lattee is that on the ground?"
74)Being tapped on the arm in the morning by the Rieske children saying, "Miss Jasmine, can we get up, it's 6:00?"
75)Justin Allen's one liners. They produce the biggest laughs
76)Steve being the "obnoxious big brother" when he walks and pushes you into the wall.
77)Early morning conversations with Sandy Rieske on Facebook while I am working my 4-8am shift.
78)Hotel beds.
79)Laying out at the pool in the summer.
80)My cat Cali. She was so pretty and cute.
81)SNOOD!!!!
82)My dad's cooking...oh how i miss that.
83)Random late night conversations with friends online when we can't sleep.
84)"Smoke breaks" with my sister when we were doing homework.
85)Being creatively organized.
86)"Arguing" with all the boys about whether I can walk somewhere at night, knowing that I will always lose said "argument."
87)All the babies at church.
88)How Robbie Seiffert thinks that I belong in the Rieske family.
89)Making Andreya creeped out with Seymour.
90)How I know there is a ghost in Marie and Andreya's apartment.
91)Rooming with Maggie at Women's weekend.
92)Living at the Bubalo's over the summer, and then having Sheila live with me for 2 weeks.
93)Remembering that time that I got to meet Taylor Swift and Rodney Atkins at their concert.
94)The ridiculous conversations that happen at the CRU table.
95)The way Steve knows what's wrong with me before I know what's wrong with me.
96)My tattoo.
97)Writing and journaling.
98)The beauty of my friends hearts.
99)The day I accepted Christ with Katie Barnett!
100)Giving my life map at Crosstraining and seeing the pride that Steve and Sandy had for me in their eyes.
Here it is....I really hope everyone enjoys my list!
51)Kaleigh Windle's beauty. She is so amazing!
52)Disney movies!
53)Getting text messages or phone calls when I am bored.
54)The song "O Bless the Lord" by Lindsey McCaul....it couldn't speak more truth into my life.
55)Peanut Butter and jelly sandwiches, but mostly with crunchy peanut butter.
56)Pink and white roses and lilies! They are so beautiful.
57)Scrapbooking....it's so fun to look back on memories.
58)Putting pictures on facebook at 4am and then seeing all the comments!
59)Christmas trees!!! I love them!
60)Seeing the person that you have been waiting to talk to come online.
61)Sweet Baby P kisses....drool and all.
62)Cooking for my friends...and the joy the get from a home cooked meal.
63)The movie Titanic. I love it. It makes me cry, still, almost 15 years later.
64)Wearing my sisters bracelet that she gave me.
65)Getting to put my PJ pants on when I get home.
66)Hearing Marie say she loves me times infinity cubed...that doesn't exist.
67)Bob Froman and I arguing about whether or not he wins because he takes logic.
68)Church on Sunday mornings!
69)Reading the Bible.
70)Steve's systematic theology class.
71)Answering questions at Oasis and then being called out by Steve.
72)One Tree Hill Monday's with Stacey
73)When I slipped and fell in the union and Josh Coy yelled, "OMG, whose lattee is that on the ground?"
74)Being tapped on the arm in the morning by the Rieske children saying, "Miss Jasmine, can we get up, it's 6:00?"
75)Justin Allen's one liners. They produce the biggest laughs
76)Steve being the "obnoxious big brother" when he walks and pushes you into the wall.
77)Early morning conversations with Sandy Rieske on Facebook while I am working my 4-8am shift.
78)Hotel beds.
79)Laying out at the pool in the summer.
80)My cat Cali. She was so pretty and cute.
81)SNOOD!!!!
82)My dad's cooking...oh how i miss that.
83)Random late night conversations with friends online when we can't sleep.
84)"Smoke breaks" with my sister when we were doing homework.
85)Being creatively organized.
86)"Arguing" with all the boys about whether I can walk somewhere at night, knowing that I will always lose said "argument."
87)All the babies at church.
88)How Robbie Seiffert thinks that I belong in the Rieske family.
89)Making Andreya creeped out with Seymour.
90)How I know there is a ghost in Marie and Andreya's apartment.
91)Rooming with Maggie at Women's weekend.
92)Living at the Bubalo's over the summer, and then having Sheila live with me for 2 weeks.
93)Remembering that time that I got to meet Taylor Swift and Rodney Atkins at their concert.
94)The ridiculous conversations that happen at the CRU table.
95)The way Steve knows what's wrong with me before I know what's wrong with me.
96)My tattoo.
97)Writing and journaling.
98)The beauty of my friends hearts.
99)The day I accepted Christ with Katie Barnett!
100)Giving my life map at Crosstraining and seeing the pride that Steve and Sandy had for me in their eyes.
Here it is....I really hope everyone enjoys my list!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
50 things I like about myself!
So, if you were my friend last school year, you know about this list. If not, you can experience the joy of it for the first time. So, it started off as me having to write 10 things that I liked about myself for my best friend Lauren and her now husband Nick. They felt that I said to many negative things about myself, and I needed to have some positive self-esteem.
Well, once my other friends found out about this list(because let's face it, things like that in the CRU community doesn't stay secret for long), every time I said something negative or insulting about myself I had to add 1 more thing to the list of things I like about myself. So, if you know me, you can guess how often I was adding things to this list.
Then, once I got to 35, it just became ridiculous. I was told by Steve that once I got to 50 I could stop. Sad to say that this assignment was given to me in April and by May I already had 50 things on my list. If I had kept going, I would probably be somewhere close to a thousand by now. I had forgotten where the list went for awhile, but I found it the other day while cleaning my room. Who knew you find things when you clean? Imagine that!
But anyway, so here is my list of 50 things that I like about myself...which P.S., is different than my happy list.
1)My hair
2)I am authoritative, not bossy
3)I am okay with being where I am. If I am having a bad day, I don't pretend otherwise.
4)I always like to see the good in people, even when they might not deserve it.
5)Good sport-I can take it as well as I can give it back
6)My laugh.
7)My sense of humor-I do not try to be funny and yet people still find me funny, which I think is even funnier.
8)My boobs-I used to not like them, because I felt they were always in the way. However, God gave them to me, so why not rejoice in that?
9)I am highly sociable. I like being around people and talking to them about their day, or whatever is bothering them, or what they might be happy about.
10)My eyes-since learning the right way to put make-up on to make them stand out, I have really come to like my eyes.
11)My love for my family.
12)My honesty. I try really hard not to lie because I don't want to be lied to, so I don't do it.
13)My faith-I try to put God into everything I do. My faith has gotten me through some pretty hard times, and still continues to get me through some pretty tough times.
14)I am becoming okay with not being perfect at everything. I have always thought that I had to be perfect at everything to be accepted.
15)I love how children are drawn to me, and like me, even when I don't feel I am being as "child friendly" as I can be
16)I am trustworthy. If someone tells me something, I will keep it to myself, unless told otherwise.
17)I am smart. I have always gotten good grades, and I enjoy being challenged.
18)I am dyslexic, but only with numbers....it's really weird.
19)I am very protective of my friends. I will always stand by them, even when they might be wrong, or might not deserve my support. It's always there.
20)I love my name. I picked it when I was adopted.
21)I am a really good cook and I love to cook!
22)I have compassion and empathy for others-I often try to help friends out when they are having a tough time emotionally or spiritually.
23)I am good at sports-football, tennis, volleyball, cheerleading-I did them all!
24)I will always put others before myself. If I can help someone out, even if it means me going without, I will.
25)My past-I don't like the things that have happened to me in my past, but I love how they have allowed me to become the person that I am.
26)God loves me! I love that God loves me no matter what!
27)Ambitious. I feel that I have always been incredibly ambitious, but never to the point of being dishonest to achieve my goals.
28)I never give up-if I feel that I can achieve something, I do not quit until I have accomplished the goal that I set out to accomplish.
29)I can't sing, and I don't care. I know that I don't have a very good voice, and yet I still love to blast the music and sing really loudly.
I love that I can quote almost any Disney movie from beginning to end. The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and Aladdin can all be quoted by be from beginning to end.
31)I love that I don't know everything, and don't care that I don't know everything.
32)I am opinionated.
33)I am strong willed.
34)I love being tall.
35)I love NOT being THAT GIRL!
36)I am independent of others influences.
37)I am not arrogant.
38)I don't care about being "in fashion." I wear what is comfortable, not what is the newest off the rack.
39)I cry at random times....but always real and heartfelt tears.
40)I never regret anything I do.
41)My nose....it's my favorite part of my body.
42)That I can multi-task
43)My complete and total randomness!
44)I have no shame...I will say whatever I want, no matter who is around.
45)I smile when I am embarrassed. It keeps me from crying.
46)I love that I ramble when I talk.
47)I am a fountain of useless information.
48)Don't know how to play video games, but don't really want to learn either.
49)I like feeling girly, but don't want people to know that
50)I secretly want children, but am afraid that I can't have them.
There it is....I hope you all enjoy!
Well, once my other friends found out about this list(because let's face it, things like that in the CRU community doesn't stay secret for long), every time I said something negative or insulting about myself I had to add 1 more thing to the list of things I like about myself. So, if you know me, you can guess how often I was adding things to this list.
Then, once I got to 35, it just became ridiculous. I was told by Steve that once I got to 50 I could stop. Sad to say that this assignment was given to me in April and by May I already had 50 things on my list. If I had kept going, I would probably be somewhere close to a thousand by now. I had forgotten where the list went for awhile, but I found it the other day while cleaning my room. Who knew you find things when you clean? Imagine that!
But anyway, so here is my list of 50 things that I like about myself...which P.S., is different than my happy list.
1)My hair
2)I am authoritative, not bossy
3)I am okay with being where I am. If I am having a bad day, I don't pretend otherwise.
4)I always like to see the good in people, even when they might not deserve it.
5)Good sport-I can take it as well as I can give it back
6)My laugh.
7)My sense of humor-I do not try to be funny and yet people still find me funny, which I think is even funnier.
8)My boobs-I used to not like them, because I felt they were always in the way. However, God gave them to me, so why not rejoice in that?
9)I am highly sociable. I like being around people and talking to them about their day, or whatever is bothering them, or what they might be happy about.
10)My eyes-since learning the right way to put make-up on to make them stand out, I have really come to like my eyes.
11)My love for my family.
12)My honesty. I try really hard not to lie because I don't want to be lied to, so I don't do it.
13)My faith-I try to put God into everything I do. My faith has gotten me through some pretty hard times, and still continues to get me through some pretty tough times.
14)I am becoming okay with not being perfect at everything. I have always thought that I had to be perfect at everything to be accepted.
15)I love how children are drawn to me, and like me, even when I don't feel I am being as "child friendly" as I can be
16)I am trustworthy. If someone tells me something, I will keep it to myself, unless told otherwise.
17)I am smart. I have always gotten good grades, and I enjoy being challenged.
18)I am dyslexic, but only with numbers....it's really weird.
19)I am very protective of my friends. I will always stand by them, even when they might be wrong, or might not deserve my support. It's always there.
20)I love my name. I picked it when I was adopted.
21)I am a really good cook and I love to cook!
22)I have compassion and empathy for others-I often try to help friends out when they are having a tough time emotionally or spiritually.
23)I am good at sports-football, tennis, volleyball, cheerleading-I did them all!
24)I will always put others before myself. If I can help someone out, even if it means me going without, I will.
25)My past-I don't like the things that have happened to me in my past, but I love how they have allowed me to become the person that I am.
26)God loves me! I love that God loves me no matter what!
27)Ambitious. I feel that I have always been incredibly ambitious, but never to the point of being dishonest to achieve my goals.
28)I never give up-if I feel that I can achieve something, I do not quit until I have accomplished the goal that I set out to accomplish.
29)I can't sing, and I don't care. I know that I don't have a very good voice, and yet I still love to blast the music and sing really loudly.
I love that I can quote almost any Disney movie from beginning to end. The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and Aladdin can all be quoted by be from beginning to end.
31)I love that I don't know everything, and don't care that I don't know everything.
32)I am opinionated.
33)I am strong willed.
34)I love being tall.
35)I love NOT being THAT GIRL!
36)I am independent of others influences.
37)I am not arrogant.
38)I don't care about being "in fashion." I wear what is comfortable, not what is the newest off the rack.
39)I cry at random times....but always real and heartfelt tears.
40)I never regret anything I do.
41)My nose....it's my favorite part of my body.
42)That I can multi-task
43)My complete and total randomness!
44)I have no shame...I will say whatever I want, no matter who is around.
45)I smile when I am embarrassed. It keeps me from crying.
46)I love that I ramble when I talk.
47)I am a fountain of useless information.
48)Don't know how to play video games, but don't really want to learn either.
49)I like feeling girly, but don't want people to know that
50)I secretly want children, but am afraid that I can't have them.
There it is....I hope you all enjoy!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Happy list!!!! :)
The start of the semester has gotten off to somewhat of a rocky one. I have already had to drop 2 classes, and pick up another one. I am still waiting for my books to come, so I am behind on my school work. Ugh. However, I am enjoying all of my classes so far, and I have a CRU person in every one of my classes!!!! :) Super excited for that!
I have been reading people's good lists and it inspired me to make one of my own. So here it goes!
1)The Rieske children and their love for me
2)Sunsets...the most beautiful thing on God's Earth
3)The sound of Katie Barnett singing
4)Worshiping...Oasis, Brookside, Crosstraining....anywhere and everywhere!
5)My sisters...I love them!
6)My amazing family in Christ....there are no words to describe how much they mean to me in my life.
7)Lauren Bockoven and the fact that she is my best friend, and we think alike all the time. Who knew?
8)Steve Rieske and the way he cares about me and loves me even when I don't want him to. The way he tells me I am beautiful, just like he does for Narnia
9)Sandy Rieske's amazing cooking and sound advice that makes my life seem manageable.
10)Kent Darr and the amazing brother that he is. His heart is so giving and loving. I love that I get to be his friend!
11)Learning the Bible. It's slow going, but I am working through it.
12)Being allowed to question my faith in God and my friends loving me through it.
13)Everyone that visited me while I was in the hospital, both times! Ali G-thanks for smuggling in candy the first time. Chris-thanks for eating that crap that was supposed to be banana cake!
14)Seymour! I love him! He is the best monkey ever!
15)Marie and Andreya for letting me stay at their apartment over break....thank you for helping me keep my sanity.
16)My roommates at IndyCC--such a fun time...Kerner...headstand on the bed? Really?
17)Lauren Bockoven...thank you for letting me live with you before your wedding. It was the best 3 weeks ever!
18)Lauren and Nick--thank you for letting me be a part of your special day. It was truely a beautiful day and I am grateful I got to be there to celebrate with you.
19)Country music--it just speaks to the heart
20)Hang out times with my friends...and the randomness that comes from it.
21)Scrabble games with Justin when he comes to visit me at work!!!! And I win!
22)Scrabble with Steve on Facebook, but not when I get my butt kicked! I will win someday!
23)Gift baskets from Lauren Colarusso at the beginning of the school year!
24)My job on Team Cru! I love helping make Thursday nights happen!!!
25)B-Dubs after CRU on Thursdays!
26)Taking pictures with the camera that my beautiful friends bought me for Christmas.
27)The fuzzy socks that Sandy's mom bought me for Christmas...they are so soft on my feet!
28)The amazing candle that melts into massage oil that Steve's mom bought me! It's the best thing ever!
29)Coaching time with Katie B! She is pretty awesome!
30)When I get to coach Maggie! I love her life and learning about her!
31)Meeting new people that I can love on!
32)Venting with Erica Reese in the Union! Over some Wendy's
33)My Life Group! I love all of them!
34)The memories I have of my childhood that were happy.
35)The new memories that I am getting to make with the amazing people that are loving on me
36)The fact that I am loved in spite of my brokenness!
37)My future husband....whoever that might be! Trusting God to bring him to me when the time is right!
38)Allowing myself to get angry at God and then working through that with the community he has given me
39)Crying in front of people. Letting them see my weekness and my flaws.
40)Bumper stickers on facebook at 4am
41)Uploading pictures onto Facebook of the silliness that is my friends!
42)The sugar free candy in my stocking on Christmas morning!
43)Football games at "The Bachelor Pad"
44)Diet Sodas
45)The Patriots, Browns, and OSU football!
46)Snow falling.
47)Horse drawn carriage rides
48)Getting my hair washed at the salon when I go to get it cut
49)Books...reading books!
50)Being random...and giddy according to C-Fair!
I have been reading people's good lists and it inspired me to make one of my own. So here it goes!
1)The Rieske children and their love for me
2)Sunsets...the most beautiful thing on God's Earth
3)The sound of Katie Barnett singing
4)Worshiping...Oasis, Brookside, Crosstraining....anywhere and everywhere!
5)My sisters...I love them!
6)My amazing family in Christ....there are no words to describe how much they mean to me in my life.
7)Lauren Bockoven and the fact that she is my best friend, and we think alike all the time. Who knew?
8)Steve Rieske and the way he cares about me and loves me even when I don't want him to. The way he tells me I am beautiful, just like he does for Narnia
9)Sandy Rieske's amazing cooking and sound advice that makes my life seem manageable.
10)Kent Darr and the amazing brother that he is. His heart is so giving and loving. I love that I get to be his friend!
11)Learning the Bible. It's slow going, but I am working through it.
12)Being allowed to question my faith in God and my friends loving me through it.
13)Everyone that visited me while I was in the hospital, both times! Ali G-thanks for smuggling in candy the first time. Chris-thanks for eating that crap that was supposed to be banana cake!
14)Seymour! I love him! He is the best monkey ever!
15)Marie and Andreya for letting me stay at their apartment over break....thank you for helping me keep my sanity.
16)My roommates at IndyCC--such a fun time...Kerner...headstand on the bed? Really?
17)Lauren Bockoven...thank you for letting me live with you before your wedding. It was the best 3 weeks ever!
18)Lauren and Nick--thank you for letting me be a part of your special day. It was truely a beautiful day and I am grateful I got to be there to celebrate with you.
19)Country music--it just speaks to the heart
20)Hang out times with my friends...and the randomness that comes from it.
21)Scrabble games with Justin when he comes to visit me at work!!!! And I win!
22)Scrabble with Steve on Facebook, but not when I get my butt kicked! I will win someday!
23)Gift baskets from Lauren Colarusso at the beginning of the school year!
24)My job on Team Cru! I love helping make Thursday nights happen!!!
25)B-Dubs after CRU on Thursdays!
26)Taking pictures with the camera that my beautiful friends bought me for Christmas.
27)The fuzzy socks that Sandy's mom bought me for Christmas...they are so soft on my feet!
28)The amazing candle that melts into massage oil that Steve's mom bought me! It's the best thing ever!
29)Coaching time with Katie B! She is pretty awesome!
30)When I get to coach Maggie! I love her life and learning about her!
31)Meeting new people that I can love on!
32)Venting with Erica Reese in the Union! Over some Wendy's
33)My Life Group! I love all of them!
34)The memories I have of my childhood that were happy.
35)The new memories that I am getting to make with the amazing people that are loving on me
36)The fact that I am loved in spite of my brokenness!
37)My future husband....whoever that might be! Trusting God to bring him to me when the time is right!
38)Allowing myself to get angry at God and then working through that with the community he has given me
39)Crying in front of people. Letting them see my weekness and my flaws.
40)Bumper stickers on facebook at 4am
41)Uploading pictures onto Facebook of the silliness that is my friends!
42)The sugar free candy in my stocking on Christmas morning!
43)Football games at "The Bachelor Pad"
44)Diet Sodas
45)The Patriots, Browns, and OSU football!
46)Snow falling.
47)Horse drawn carriage rides
48)Getting my hair washed at the salon when I go to get it cut
49)Books...reading books!
50)Being random...and giddy according to C-Fair!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
IndyCC 2009
So I am back from Christmas Conference! Awesome week! I have started this blog a week ago. Talk about your serious procrastination. However, I was just not feeling extremely motivated to do it this week. I think I just needed a break from life, and blogging is all about life. My life, but life nonetheless. I am so incredibly glad that I went to Christmas Conference. It helped me find focus in alot of things in my life. I have always tried to solve my problems by myself, without God, and it's just not working. I think I need to start turning things over to him more. It is alot easier said than done. But it is something that I think will be better for me.
Christmas Conference had kind of a rocky beginning. I got a voicemail from my mother telling me that she filed a police report against me for trespassing because I went to come pick up my winter coat. Now, for some reason, everyone laughs when I tell them this. They swear they are laughing at her, and not me, but anyway, I digress.
So, back to Christmas Conference. The first night was pretty amazing. The worship band was more than I expected. I was completely blown away at how easy it was to worship with them. I was completely at ease with them. I enjoyed James McDonald's talk. He spoke several times over the course of the week, and they were all amazing talks. Probably one of the best parts of conference for me was getting to see my dear dear friend Ben Swanson. He moved to Cincinnati this past fall to work down there, and I did not realize how much I missed him until I saw him standing there with his arms open to hug me. I felt as though conference went really fast in the sense of I didn't get to spend enough time with Ben.
When I finally did have a chance to sit and talk to Ben, it was an amazing conversation. We just spent time catching up and sharing what had gone on in our lives over the last 5 months or so. I was greatly blessed to have such an amazing friend and brother in Christ.
The New Years Eve celebration was both renewing and sad at the same time. I felt incredibly renewed in God and in my faith as I stood and worshiped in the new year with the people that love me the most in my life. It was an incredibly bittersweet experience. My heart longed for and missed my family, but it was great to realize that my family is whoever I make them. My family has become the people that love me unconditionally, and in spite of my sin and brokenness. The love that they have for me is so overwhelming that most of the time I have no idea what to do with it.
The most amazing and touching moment of Indy had nothing to do with any of the talks or worship or anything like that. It was Monday night-the first night of conference-and we were all in a room of the hotel having campus time. It was something that all the universities did so that we spent time with our own respective universities. Steve put the baby on the floor to crawl around and he(who is trying desperately to learn how to walk) does a bear crawl into the middle of the floor and kinda looked around for a minute, and then the next thing I knew he had crawled over to me, tugged on my pants leg for me to pick him up, and that's where he stayed for most of the rest of the meeting. I am not going to lie, I cried. When he came over to me, when he chose me, picked me, it was a very emotional thing for me. It was the first time that I had the real and true feeling that I belonged. It sounds so silly, but it was truly an emotional moment for me. The unconditional love of a baby, or people like Steve and Sandy, or really any of the people in my life.
Christmas Conference was worth everything that it cost me, and I in no way mean that financially speaking. I grew so much in my relationship with God during my time in Indy. I have begun healing some of the anger that I have had towards God these last past few months. If you are interested, there are pictures from Indy posted on my Facebook. I hope that they are enjoyable!
Christmas Conference had kind of a rocky beginning. I got a voicemail from my mother telling me that she filed a police report against me for trespassing because I went to come pick up my winter coat. Now, for some reason, everyone laughs when I tell them this. They swear they are laughing at her, and not me, but anyway, I digress.
So, back to Christmas Conference. The first night was pretty amazing. The worship band was more than I expected. I was completely blown away at how easy it was to worship with them. I was completely at ease with them. I enjoyed James McDonald's talk. He spoke several times over the course of the week, and they were all amazing talks. Probably one of the best parts of conference for me was getting to see my dear dear friend Ben Swanson. He moved to Cincinnati this past fall to work down there, and I did not realize how much I missed him until I saw him standing there with his arms open to hug me. I felt as though conference went really fast in the sense of I didn't get to spend enough time with Ben.
When I finally did have a chance to sit and talk to Ben, it was an amazing conversation. We just spent time catching up and sharing what had gone on in our lives over the last 5 months or so. I was greatly blessed to have such an amazing friend and brother in Christ.
The New Years Eve celebration was both renewing and sad at the same time. I felt incredibly renewed in God and in my faith as I stood and worshiped in the new year with the people that love me the most in my life. It was an incredibly bittersweet experience. My heart longed for and missed my family, but it was great to realize that my family is whoever I make them. My family has become the people that love me unconditionally, and in spite of my sin and brokenness. The love that they have for me is so overwhelming that most of the time I have no idea what to do with it.
The most amazing and touching moment of Indy had nothing to do with any of the talks or worship or anything like that. It was Monday night-the first night of conference-and we were all in a room of the hotel having campus time. It was something that all the universities did so that we spent time with our own respective universities. Steve put the baby on the floor to crawl around and he(who is trying desperately to learn how to walk) does a bear crawl into the middle of the floor and kinda looked around for a minute, and then the next thing I knew he had crawled over to me, tugged on my pants leg for me to pick him up, and that's where he stayed for most of the rest of the meeting. I am not going to lie, I cried. When he came over to me, when he chose me, picked me, it was a very emotional thing for me. It was the first time that I had the real and true feeling that I belonged. It sounds so silly, but it was truly an emotional moment for me. The unconditional love of a baby, or people like Steve and Sandy, or really any of the people in my life.
Christmas Conference was worth everything that it cost me, and I in no way mean that financially speaking. I grew so much in my relationship with God during my time in Indy. I have begun healing some of the anger that I have had towards God these last past few months. If you are interested, there are pictures from Indy posted on my Facebook. I hope that they are enjoyable!
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