Being A Woman Sucks

This is going to be a rant, and I don't care.

So it seems as of late I keep getting unto the same argument with my friends, especially all my guy friends. Now, let me just say that I love my guy friends dearly. They are some amazing Godly men. HOWEVER, they are really, really frustrating me these days!
I have never in my entire life, been met with so much resistance about what girls can and can't do. I admire the idea that the men in my life want to be chivalrous, but there is a point where they stop being chivalrous, and starting being sexist I feel. I know that these this may be harsh, but it is something that I am struggling with. I think that if women are willing and want to do things, it is not a man's job to tell her that she can't. For example, if we want to lift things, or set up, or whatever, it is not their place to deny us that right.
Now, maybe I feel this way because I grew up in a home where work was not broken down by men and women, boys or girls. The boys and girls did the same chores as each other. Mowing the law, taking out the trash, shoveling the snow, lifting, laundry, cooking. Everything was shared equally among everyone. So now to have people tell me that not only I shouldn't do something, that I am not allowed, is really really frustrating and really hurts.
I grew up hearing I wasn't good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough, or just plain enough. The way I dealt with that was trying to be better than everyone else. I excelled in sports, in school, in the things I did. I have a really hard time being told I shouldn't do something, and when someone tells me I can't do something, it makes me all that much more determined to do it.
I have never, nor will ever be okay with being treated like a delicate piece of crystal that is going to break. I have a hard enough time putting limitations on myself because of my medical conditions. When I can do something and I want to, I do not feel as though it is another person's place to tell me that I can't. I'm sorry. But whether the guys realize it or not, it is incredibly hurtful to hear that I am not allowed to do things, or participate in activities with them.

What Is My Path, God?

So, I have been really feeling torn lately. I cannot seem to figure out what God wants of me and from me and for me. I am having a really hard time discerning His will for me. I am really longing for something. Anything. I sent in my summer project application last week, and now I will have to wait until at least March 28 to be able to make any kind of decision about my summer and what I will be doing with my life for 3 months. This is part of what is troubling me.
I know that going home for summer is completely out of the question. But, I can't imagine going another year without seeing my family. And when I say family, most of that is my siblings and my aunts and uncles. I know that my family is not particularly a good, stable, or healthy place for me to be, but I can't help but miss them. As I sat at Oasis last week, I found myself completely unmoved by anything. Until I heard Steve say those 3 words. Such simple words. Anytime. Anywhere. Anything. Such simple words. It's only 23 letters. People say these words all the time. People say these words as if they were nothing. But really, are they nothing. If you say 'Anytime' to God, what are you really saying? Are you not saying "God, no matter what I am doing, where I am at in my life, I am turning my life over to you. Whether it is to join the mission and take vows of Holy Orders, or to simple go and do Missionary work halfway around the world. If you say anything to God, you are saying that you have accepted the very real possibility that God would and will take you completely away from everything and everyone you know and love.
Saying 'Anywhere' says that no matter where God wants me to go, I am willing to go there. I am willing to leave everything in my life to go and do God's work. Whether it is in another city, state, country, or even continent. How many of us are really willing to do that? I know I want to believe that I am, but I know I am not.
Lastly, saying 'Anything'. Saying that anything God gives us, we are prepared to accept it, and love it whole heartedly. This is such a crazy idea. For example, I know that I don't want children. So, I know that when I get married, and if I found out I was pregnant, I would not be happy about it. I would not accept it whole heartedly. I would fight and kick and yell and scream. I would have the baby, but it wouldn't be in my heart to be happy about it. I think this is a perfect example of how we say these words to God, but we don't always really mean them.
Loving God at times is so hard. I see all the horrible things that are going on in the world, and it makes it really hard to believe in a good God. It makes it hard to believe in a fair and just God. I am trying to learn how to trust in Him and what He is trying to tell me. I have a hard time believing the words that I have heard for so long.
Trying to understand what God wants from me is so frustrating. I feel like it needs to be easier to see. Like a written note or something. Waiting for signs, or however God might appear to me, is far to difficult, and sometimes just down right confusing. Trying to understand what he wants has got me feeling so sad and depressed because I don't know what He wants, and I don't feel like I am any closer to understanding it then I was a year ago.
I am praying that He shows me some clear paths to walk down and that I might be able to see them, and accept them whole heartedly.