Monday, January 3, 2011

Life, Love, and Friends

So, as the school year comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on this past year. This has been one of the most challenging, yet rewarding academic school years I have had in a while. I have been challenged to grow in ways I didn't think were possible. I have made so many new friends, and faced so many new challenges and growth in so many ways, that I cannot even begin to explain them all.
The biggest thing I have learned this year is that having friends is a joy and a blessing that can never be put into words. Somehow, when I wasn't looking, all of these new friendships and relationships formed, and I can't remember what life was like before them. My friends have helped me to learn my immeasurable value and worth. They affirm me and build me up, especially when I am tempted to believe the deceiver. Satan is a sneaky little bastard, but it becomes hardier to believe the lies that he is trying to tell me when I look and see the love and support and acceptance of all of the beautiful friends God has placed in my life.
One of the hardest things I have learned is how to say good bye. I'm still not good at it. I know that I am going to have to say goodbye to some incredibly amazing friends in a few weeks, and every time I think about it, it brings me to tears. These are people that have changed and impacted my life in ways that I can't begin to explain. Some of them are graduating, some of them are moving away, some of them are getting married, some of them are getting new jobs elsewhere. I know that part of life is learning to say goodbye and move on, but that doesn't make it any easier.
As it approaches a year since my younger brother shot himself, I have been reminded of the incredible grace and love from God and my friends. That day is coming up in 3 weeks, and I know that I will not be alone, and that there can and will be rejoicing on that day. Rejoicing that my brother is still alive. and rejoicing in life, love, and friends.
Everyday that I wake up I am completely astounded and shaken by God's grace and mercy for me. I have done nothing to deserve it, and yet it is completely and freely given to me. The blessings that God has shown me this last school year is completely beyond my understanding.
Living in Households was one of the most difficult challenges I faced this school year. I was sure that I would never do it again. Yet, I found myself asking for an application, going through the interview process, and accepting my invitation to join. The only explanation of that is God working on and softening my heart.
I find myself in a relationship with a man, who I know loves me and adores me. Yet my heart is restless and I don't know why. There is something God is trying to tell me, I just don't know if I am listening hard enough. God has blessed me with amazing people that are helping to figure out what God is calling me to.
God just blessed me with Veritas President for the upcoming school year. I am so excited to see what God is going to do with our team next year. I think that it is going to be a wonderful year of growth and learning.
Love is a concept that I don't think I will ever understand. But as I look at some of my friends, it is so clear the love that they feel for each other. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I hope to find that someday. Love is such a beautiful yet incredibly frightening experiences and feelings. Allowing someone into your heart. Loving someone is giving them permission to hurt you. It is one of the scariest and most humbling experiences in the world.
I am so excited to see what the summer brings and all of the new experiences, friends, love, and life. God is so good to me, and there is no way I can ever thank him enough for all he has done for me.