"Do not underestimate the person you are. You are loved, you are worthy of that love. You are beautiful, you are talented. You deserve to be the Beauty in a fairytale. You are never alone. You have a stregth that cannot be taken away. God is your shield. He will be with you, and you will be His warrior. You are needed. Guard your heart. You heart holds the desires of your inmost being. Give it to God alone. Allow Him to fill your every thought and desire. Do not be ashamed. Do not dear. Do not worry. The Lord alone is sufficient. Praise His everlasting and glorious name. Smile, and give thanks. Love like you have never loved before. Become an instrument for the hands of our God. Let Him have you, all of you. Give Him everything. Do not hold back, for it is in the Lord that we find peace and joy. Do not cry because it's over, but smile because it happened. Amen!"
These are not my words. They are from my beautiful Sister Aimee. She has such an amazing heart and loves on me while I am trying to mend mine.
Last night, while in adoration, I just started balling and couldn't stop. Four songs, silence, benediction. Just uncontrollable sobbing. It's been awhile since I have done that. My heart felt like it had been ripped out and trampled on. I didn't like the feeling.
This morning, I finally found the strength(from where, I have no idea) to listen to a CD Aimee made me over the summer called "Healing." As I am sure you can imagine...there has been more crying. Some songs on there are "This Is Where The Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North, "For Good" by Idina Menzel, "Best Days are Ahead of Me" by Danny Gokey, and "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. I'm not so sure what it has done just yet, but hopefully something comes from it.
As a woman, I know that we are prone to lots of emotions that appear out of nowhere. Emotions that catch us off guard, much like what happens when we fall in love. It catches us completely off guard and there is nothing we can do about it. It's like a virus and once it infects you, there is nothing you can do to stop it.
Thank you, God. Thank you for letting me love. Even in the midst of wanting to close my heart off and never open it back up again, I am thankful for being able to love. God is so good. I have ever reason not to love and trust, and yet, God shows me that there is still a reason. His Son. So, thank you for that.
"I would have loved you even if I had never met you." One of my favorite quotes from a romantic movie. I think our hearts know who they are supposed to love in our life and God puts those people there when the time is right. And maybe it's not to love forever, but maybe it's to love for just a short while, until we get to where we are supposed to be.
I could have loved you forever.
