Unconditional Love-just some thoughts

What does unconditional love look like? Recently I was given an example by a dear friend of mine, Steve Rieske. He has 3 children and I often baby-sit for his children. His youngest is not quite a year old-11 months. Happiest baby in the world most of the time, just a beautiful baby to be around. The way that Steve explained unconditional love is that for me to love Peyton I just love him. It isn't based on anything that he did or didn't do. And my thought at first was, how easy it is to love a baby. But then, as I started thinking about it, I realized how NOT easy it is to love a baby. They cry for no reason, they are messy, smelly, helpless, and just in general life takers. But, I love the baby just because.
I think that it is so easy to put a price on what love should or shouldn't mean in this world and in our culture. Love has begun to be based upon what someone can do for someone else, and not who the person is. True, unconditional love is one the best gift in the world, because it is free! Unconditional love is affection with no limits or conditions; complete love. The reason that this is so beautiful is because it doesn't have to be earned. In a society where we place a price and value on everything, there is no price that can be placed on this.
The most thought of example of unconditional love is between parents and their children, most specific, mothers and their children. When this lacks from the relationship between children and their parents the damages can be completely irreversible and irrepriable. This is something that I have been struggling with as of late.
I know that I have been writing alot about my struggles. I think that is because they are what is most evident to me right now. After a long and painful conversation with my mom(sorry Steve-Virtue), it became painfully obvious that I will never have her unconditional love. It is simply something that I need to stop trying for, and open myself up to be loved by people who want to love me.
I had a conversation with some pretty smart people yesterday, and I was asked to explain why I have been so angry with God. It was something that I was not ready to put into words, but when I did, it felt freeing somehow. I am finding that putting things into words lately has been incredibly freeing. Even if I am having trouble turning to God in prayer and in the Word, I feel like this is a different kind of prayer. God already knows what's on my heart, but somehow I feel like writing it down kind of makes it more real, and like "hey God, wanna take a look at this, and help me through it?"
An amazing quote that I have really been trying to take head to is "If God leads you to it, he will lead you through it." This is something that I have really been trying to focus on, and it seems like it is such an easy one to master, but in reality it's not. It is really hard to give control to someone that you can't see. It's not like I can physically see what God is doing in my life with the things that I have been giving him, and for someone who always needs to be in control that is really hard to do. It is also a constant struggle to see what purpose God has for all of the fights and heartaches that seem to keep happening in my life.
I was challenged to read Psalm 22. This is something that I am going to start working on today, after my finals are over. I haven't carried my Bible with me in the last week, because part of me feels like there is no point, since I am not going to read it anyway.
I know that I strayed away from the original topic, but I just kinda wrote where my heart took me....hope that is okay :)