Oh, How He Loves Us!

So, as I am sitting in my friends apartment, attempting to pack my bags for the next week and a half, I am faced with lots of thoughts running through my head. Most of them sad, but some are excitement. Excitement for the unknown. I have never experienced Christmas with anyone but family, so this will be a new concept. I know that Steve and Sandy love me, as do Narnia and Danny, and even baby P, but it is still scary to be experiencing something new. I am also excited for what Christmas Conference will bring. I have never been to this before, and I am excited to know that will come of the 5 days and 4 nights that will be spent with thousand of CRU students from all over the region, and the staff that so fearlessly leads our CRU every week and all year long.
I am mostly sad though, because as much as my family is not healthy for me, I miss them, and wish that I could spend Christmas with them. However, I know that it is not a good idea, and it will only be more harmful to me for me to be there.
I have been working on trying to not be sad all the time, but it is a daily process. One day and one struggle at a time. I have thought for some time now that I might benefit from taking anti-depressant meds, but I am still trying to most succumb to those thoughts, out of fear of seeming weak. I don't want to seem like I can't handle my emotions, and that I don't know how to turn them over to God and let Him work in my life. I think that he is truly working in my life in every way possible. He is giving me the courage to try something new and separate myself from everything I have known and is asking me to trust in Him to lead me through this hard time in my life. He is trying to show me how to protect my heart and not allow it to be hurt anymore by the people that have hurt me in the past and continue to hurt me know.
I am looking forward to what this holiday season will bring and I hope that I can allow my heart to receive the love from the people in my life that want to give it to me.
I love you all so much!